I don’t remember the last time I felt so emotionally connected to something like I do this album. It’s like the music is coming from inside my soul.
Before I saw Porter Robinson play this album live, I loved it already. It’s hard and deep and beautiful and complex. Each song obviously has a meaning and reason for being and a reason for being where it is in the album. But after standing in that crowd and experiencing the energy flowing out from him…after listening to the commentary about where each song came from and the reason he wrote them…it just all built up and I can’t seem to get over it. I feel like I’ve come up to a giant cliff face and am standing at the bottom, looking up into the misty clouds searching for the top but can’t seem to find it. I can’t listen to the album on shuffle like I do most albums or playlists. To me, it has that order for a reason; that is how it is meant to be listened to. I follow this journey in my mind every time I listen to it. I have a vivid imagination, a very actively dark imagination, these beats and melodies and hooks all dug deeply into me and I want to just stretch my arms out and gather them closer. I want to lay in the dark and just listen to the journey.
It wasn’t a random attach on my soul, this album. I think it was all destined to be this way. I think this show came at such a point where my soul was tired and lonely and exhausted from trying to be something it’s not. I‘ve spent so much time being a soul-hermit, hiding inside who I think I really am. Jake and I can’t really let it go here, we can’t have the discussions we had with other people in our lives. We can’t do the same kinds of things we used to do; we can’t find that release that we used to have. I have been exploring my mind lately and I think I need to fight for it, so I can pull who I really am out of the box where I shove her, bring her out and let her breath again. I really felt like I was whole during that show. It was so emotionally beautiful and horrific and depressing all at the same time.
I think it just reminded me that there are people out there who feel the same things I do, who see the world like I do. I’ve always been a little dark, but I’ve always managed to see the beauty in the darkness. I think we spend so much trying to be happy and forcing everything into the brightness of positivity that we don’t give the world a chance to show what it really is. I accept the fact that there is more darkness then there is light in the world. I think its okay. The first step is realizing what we have and where we have gotten ourselves. After that, it’s the fight to being the light back. It’s a rolling sea and right now we’re at the bottom of a giant swell, looking into the crashing water above, waiting for is to crash upon us, forcing us into the turmoil of the sea. The beauty is that we’ll resurface stronger and wiser than before.
I find that I’ve been wishing a lot that I had the ability to make music or be artistic. I think I want to find a different way to express myself, since writing has become more difficult. I find music to be so important in expressing feelings and emotions. It’s the best way to communicate with others and get a point across. Music can make people feel so much emotion and take you on such a crazy journey. I am so inspired by Porter Robinson and this new album. He took such a risk but I think transcended the world of EDM and has taken electronic music to a completely different place.